I Wish A Unicorn Stole My Wallet

Sadly, my wallet was relieved of its duty to keep my license, credit cards, insurance info, and loose pennies all in one safe convenient spot yesterday. The upside is that it was stolen during a fabulous celebration for Gay Pride in West Hollywood. I like to think that my wallet was swiped by a unicorn, who needed it to purchase Skittles and glitter and fairy dust. Then the unicorn would sneak into a bar with my ID and slurp up ambrosia while having its horn shined with angel tears. Then it would shimmy around to “It’s Raining Men” while its luscious unicorn mane delicately glides through the air. So if you see a beautiful thiefy unicorn gliding around WeHo, please tell him that I’d really like my wallet back now.

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