The Difference Between Los Angeles and North Andover MA

When you go for a run in North Andover and someone honks at you, they’re saying hi. When you go for a run in Los Angeles and someone honks at you, they’re saying get outta the crosswalk or I am going to kill you.

When you get coffee in Los Angeles and someone gives you the once-over, they’re trying to figure out if you’re an actor. When you get coffee in North Andover and someone gives you the once-over, they’re trying to figure out if you were their Biology lab partner in 1997, back when you were both 20 pounds skinnier.

Your friends in North Andover nurse babies and your friends in Los Angeles nurse hangovers.

Your friends in North Andover have mortgages and your friends in Los Angeles have studio apartments down the hall from the annoying girl with high-waisted salmon-colored jeans and awful bangs.

In North Andover you run up Weir Hill and enjoy the scenery. In Los Angeles you run up Runyon Canyon and enjoy the washboard abs, breast implants, and blindingly bright veneers.

In North Andover you buy pot from your friend’s friend’s balding older brother. In Los Angeles you buy pot from any of the 7 dispensaries on the Venice Boardwalk with a dancing chick in a bikini enticing you through their front door.

In North Andover you buy alcohol from McAloon’s on Chickering and run into the kid from middle school whose name you can’t remember. In Los Angeles you buy alcohol from Rockin Ralphs on Sunset and run into Ron Jeremy.

In North Andover you have to slam on your brakes to avoid hitting turkeys and deer. In Los Angeles you have to slam on your brakes to avoid hitting soulless Botox-y chicks who are whining about their macrobiotic diets on their bedazzled cell phones.

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