Part of the pain in the ass thrill of job hunting is sending out a billion resumes and cover letters, aka essentially sending out a billion small sales kits to potential employers that explain what a qualified candidate you are. However, if you’re like me and suffer from a crippling case of self-loathing, it’s difficult to subscribe to the “I RULE, HERE’S WHY YOU SHOULD HIRE ME!!” mentality. Plus, I’m better at winning people over if we’re face-to-face, where I can crack stupid jokes and let my sunny demeanor shine through. But since all of my resume/ cover letter submissions are in a Word doc (not video) format, I realize that I need to brush up on my verbiage and transform my weaknesses into strengths.

Here’s what I put together:

I talk way too loud = I’m enthusiastic and I have a great phone voice

I’m disorganized and don’t finish something before I start something else = I can multitask

I’ll usually wait until the last minute to complete a task = I work well under pressure

I consume way too much caffeine and get jittery = I’m highly motivated

I gossip with coworkers = I work well on a team

I gossip with clients = I have excellent communication skills

I only cry in the privacy of the bathroom (or at home) if I mess up = I’m thick-skinned

I like when no one is around so I can blast 80s music on Pandora = I don’t require supervision or hand-holding

I know my boss will be pissed about the mistake I made 10 minutes ago = I can anticipate problems before they arise

I doodle little hearts and flowers all over Post Its = I have meticulous attention to detail

I’ll pop a Xanax if I’m stressed = I remain calm under pressure

(Note to potential employers: I don’t actually gossip with clients, take Xanax, make mistakes, or cry)