Look, Something Shiny!….When My Distraction Causes My Inaction

Until I get to the point where I can afford my dream office (marble desk, hot tub in the reception area, and a trampoline/ velcro room), I have the pleasure of working from home. At first I was thrilled about the luxury (woo hoo, pajamas all day!) but I soon discovered one major obstacle: distraction.

I never realized that I had such a short attention span until I tried to get through a few assignments in one sitting. A car horn can honk from 4 blocks away and BOOM – my train of thought crashes. I mulled it over and found a few key culprits at the root of this issue.

1) The Bengal

Everyone knows the Bengal is psychotic, but her behavior during the day is baffling. She is physically unable to sit still unless she’s sleeping. She chirps and sprints into the bedroom. Then howls and hides under the couch. I’ve stopped trying to understand her.

2) Pumpkin spice lattes

When I’m stuck on a sentence, my mind wanders. It usually wanders to the tantalizing, creamy wondrous magic of pumpkin spice lattes. To the giant party in Deliciousville. To the wild flavor orgy in that handsome little paper cup.  Once I have this liquid ambrosia on my mind, there’s no reprieve other than driving to Starbucks and getting my grande crack concoction.

 3) Social Notworking

I first heard this term at UCLA last year. (Thanks Freddy Nager!) How brilliant. The social networks that are supposed to help us make connections are actually causing us to slack off. My Social Notworking habits include incessant visits to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Youtube, cat blogs, and Googling ex-boyfriends.

 4) Amazing movies

I know I should be responsible and work with the TV off, but I can’t focus without background noise. It only becomes a problem when amazing classics like Ghostbusters or Mean Girls are on. Which means I can kiss the next 90 minutes of my life goodbye.

5) Cleaning

(cue impending panic attack)

If I weren’t so compulsive about cleanliness I would probably work a lot faster. Omg, there’s a dish in the sink. That book needs to be dusted. I haven’t straightened up the fridge in 3 days. Did I fold all my socks correctly? It’s impossible to concentrate unless the apartment is absolutely immaculate. In fact, right now I should probably clean and get another latte.

Editor’s note: it took me 4 days to write this post. 

Why Jack Daniels is Evil

After realizing that tequila is completely gross, I’ve happily settled into my whiskey phase. Whiskey rules. Once you get accustomed to the taste, you find that hangovers are quite minimal and the tantalizing headrush of whiskey inebriation is an enjoyable and whimsical experience.

Having said that, I need to express my disdain for Jack Daniels. It’s evil. It gives you amnesia. It radically alters your perception of reality, much more so than other whiskeys.

How I think I’m dancing:

How I’m actually dancing:

How I think my makeup looks:

How my makeup actually looks:

What I think I said:

What I actually said:

What I think the late night snack looked like:

What the late night snack actually looked like:

How I think I flirted:

How I actually flirted:

Where I think I went:

Where I actually went:

How I think the night ended:

How the night actually ended:

All Hail Queen Bengal

Bengals are beautiful cats. They’re hyper, vocal, and absolutely crazy. And I love mine.

She was rescued from a hoarder.  I welcomed her into my home , intending to just foster her for a day or two.

That plan failed.

How could I give her away? She and I have so much in common.

She likes gossip.

She likes to read.

She likes being wrapped up in blankets.

She likes taking selfies.

She likes to sleep.

And being the egotistical maniac that she is, she insisted that I write a song about her.

So here is my ode to you, darling Bengal.