I Got My Mind On My Mudder And My Mudder On My Mind

It’s that time again – Tough Mudder time.

Tough Mudder is a fun, 10-12 mile obstacle course race full of dirt, water, dirty water, ice, barbed wire, and electric shocks. Tough Mudder celebrates team work and camaraderie. It’s fun, difficult and super duper rewarding.

The last one I did, in Temecula during 2012, didn’t end so well.

Does this leg brace make my thighs look fat?

I fell off the monkey bars, hit a rock, and unknowingly sliced my knee open. Since I’d been wearing skintight black compression pants, I didn’t realize there was a gaping wound on my knee and I pushed through the pain to finish. Oops.

Do these stitches make my knee look fat?

Turns out there was also a small fracture on my kneecap. I had to wear that leg immobilizer for what seemed like foreverrrrr. And right after that, I got laid off my from my job. It wasn’t the best month.

So now I’m out for a little redemption. I’m pretty excited, yet slightly apprehensive.

Things I’m not stoked about:

Arctic Enema: the coldest thing you’ll ever experience. A giant dumpster full of ice and f*cking frigid water. You jump in, swim underwater (and under a billion pounds of ice cubes) then pull yourself out while realizing that you can’t breathe. (“Takes my breath awayyyyyy…..”)

Berlin Walls: easy for people with arm strength, but horrible for wimps like me.

Cry Baby: a new obstacle filled with “a safe tear gas-like substance, and littered with hazards along the way.” Well. I was told that there’s no crying in baseball, but it seems that crying in Tough Mudder is ok.

Things I’m totally stoked about:

Everest: a giant, slick, quarter pipe that’s WAY harder to get up than you might think. Basically you sprint at it full force, run as high upward as you can, then jump and hope a sexy muscled man at the top will grab your hands and pull you to the top. Part of the fun is watching people smack their faces against the wall and slide back down with no dignity. It’s happened to me several times.

Electroshock Therapy: scary yellow wires charged with 10,000 volts will taunt you as you dart across this final obstacle. Stings like a mofo and you hear a lot of F-bombs around here. I’m hoping that getting zapped will reset my brain and I won’t be so neurotic in the future.

The free beer at the finish line: the only thing better is the taste of victory.

Godspeed and Tronic, out. <drops mic>

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