In today’s digital universe, the endless supply of online resources is a major convenience to people seeking employment. Remember the “Help Wanted” ads in newspapers circa 1993? Adorable, yet quite cumbersome.
When you consider the abundance of platforms you can peruse (LinkedIn, Glassdoor, Aquent, Monster, Indeed, Craigslist, etc, etc, etc), hunting for a new job, can, well, quickly become a job in and of itself.
A couple of my BFFs are on the prowl for new career opportunities and we recently met for brunch. Over too many lattes and plates of eggs, we had a good laugh about the job postings they came across. A lot of the posts were stiff, some were baffling, and others were so absurd we shot coffee from our noses. (Except for me – I’m too dainty for that.)
Nearly every post required that:
You can multitask and prioritize in a fast-paced environment
You have the ability to manage multiple projects at once
You have excellent attention to detail
You’re a hard worker
You possess superior written and oral communication skills
You’re a dedicated self starter
You work well within a cross-functional team environment
You’re a multilateral thinker
You have the ability to manage and meet deadlines
Here’s the thing. I agree that those traits are necessary to possess as a working professional. But, shouldn’t it be ASSUMED that you work hard, you’re organized, and you can efficiently communicate with others? Is it really necessary to spell out that a qualified candidate should be able to multitask? These are basic skills I’m pretty sure we all acquired in high school.
Beyond the required koalafications, several job titles intrigued me. One particular post sought to fill a position for “VP of Internet.”
Ok, a VP Marketing, yes.
VP Sales, sure.
VP Operations, absolutely.
But…VP of Internet? What are the responsibilities of an executive who reigns over the internet?
Is this person in charge of SEO? Newsletters? Blogs? Facebook/ Twitter/ Instagram? Compiling cat videos? All of those? The only thing I’m certain of – my mom would be SO proud if her daughter earned the esteemed title “Vice President of the Internet.”
My gals also found a few job post gems that necessitated a loud chortle:
Define a media plan that is cutting edge and highly desirable but also cost effective.
Cutting edge, highly desirable, and cost effective. What a delicious mess of jargon. So the media plan needs to be new, exciting, sexually attractive and cheap? Sounds like my Tinder dating profile.
Must be highly proficient with computers.
So…just computers, eh? You can’t be bothered to list out the specific software or platforms that I should be proficient with?
Must participate in select value-oriented professional societies, events and activities related to the Internet industry.
So…I will join the “I Heart Internet Club,” drink cocktails at the “Internet Rules Happy Hour,” and be a panelist at the “F*** Yeah Internet Digital Conference?”
My big question is…why do job postings have to be so boring and so generic? Even if you’re not looking to fill a creative position, you can still publish a job posting that’s not a total snooze-fest. After all, as an employer, wouldn’t you want to excite people about joining your team?
But just like needles in a haystack, my besties eventually came across some cool postings that actually excited them.
We are a super awesome full service marketing communications agency based in LA, and we’re looking for a Digital Strategist to come in on a contract to full-time basis! This is an immediate need, and we are accepting apps now! Read on for the awesomeness…
Now THAT’S what we’re talking’ about.