Creative Professionals Seeking Job Postings That Don’t Bore Everyone

In today’s digital universe, the endless supply of online resources is a major convenience to people seeking employment. Remember the “Help Wanted” ads in newspapers circa 1993? Adorable, yet quite cumbersome.

When you consider the abundance of platforms you can peruse (LinkedIn, Glassdoor, Aquent, Monster, Indeed, Craigslist, etc, etc, etc), hunting for a new job, can, well, quickly become a job in and of itself.

A couple of my BFFs are on the prowl for new career opportunities and we recently met for brunch. Over too many lattes and plates of eggs, we had a good laugh about the job postings they came across. A lot of the posts were stiff, some were baffling, and others were so absurd we shot coffee from our noses. (Except for me – I’m too dainty for that.)

Nearly every post required that:

You can multitask and prioritize in a fast-paced environment
You have the ability to manage multiple projects at once
You have excellent attention to detail
You’re a hard worker
You’re organized
You possess superior written and oral communication skills
You’re a dedicated self starter
You work well within a cross-functional team environment
You’re a multilateral thinker
You have the ability to manage and meet deadlines

Here’s the thing. I agree that those traits are necessary to possess as a working professional. But, shouldn’t it be ASSUMED that you work hard, you’re organized, and you can efficiently communicate with others? Is it really necessary to spell out that a qualified candidate should be able to multitask? These are basic skills I’m pretty sure we all acquired in high school.

Beyond the required koalafications, several job titles intrigued me. One particular post sought to fill a position for “VP of Internet.”

Wait..what?

Ok, a VP Marketing, yes.

VP Sales, sure.

VP Operations, absolutely.

But…VP of Internet? What are the responsibilities of an executive who reigns over the internet?

Is this person in charge of SEO? Newsletters? Blogs? Facebook/ Twitter/ Instagram? Compiling cat videos? All of those? The only thing I’m certain of – my mom would be SO proud if her daughter earned the esteemed title “Vice President of the Internet.”

My gals also found a few job post gems that necessitated a loud chortle:

Define a media plan that is cutting edge and highly desirable but also cost effective.

Cutting edge, highly desirable, and cost effective. What a delicious mess of jargon. So the media plan needs to be new, exciting, sexually attractive and cheap? Sounds like my Tinder dating profile.

Must be highly proficient with computers.

So…just computers, eh? You can’t be bothered to list out the specific software or platforms that I should be proficient with?

Must participate in select value-oriented professional societies, events and activities related to the Internet industry.

So…I will join the “I Heart Internet Club,” drink cocktails at the “Internet Rules Happy Hour,” and be a panelist at the “F*** Yeah Internet Digital Conference?”

My big question is…why do job postings have to be so boring and so generic? Even if you’re not looking to fill a creative position, you can still publish a job posting that’s not a total snooze-fest. After all, as an employer, wouldn’t you want to excite people about joining your team?

But just like needles in a haystack, my besties eventually came across some cool postings that actually excited them.

We are a super awesome full service marketing communications agency based in LA, and we’re looking for a Digital Strategist to come in on a contract to full-time basis! This is an immediate need, and we are accepting apps now! Read on for the awesomeness…

Now THAT’S what we’re talking’ about.

Who Needs Job Fairs? Just Consult Your TV.

Last year, I made one of the best decisions of my life and decided to go back to school for a certificate for Marketing at UCLA Extension. In those 12 months, I gained tons of useful knowledge and my teachers were encouraging, supportive, and incredibly inspirational. But before I discovered the program at UCLA, there was an extended period where I had no direction in life. During this time, I drank a little more than I should have, watched too much TV, and let every show influence my potential career choice.

For example:

DEXTER: I convinced myself I wanted to be a blood spatter analyst. Sure, I’d have to deal with dead bodies and get called to crime scenes during dinner and on holidays, but wouldn’t it be fulfilling to help solve murders? I could always get a degree from ITT Tech or one of those places that advertises late at night when your insomnia kicks in. And ok, the idea of being around a warm corpse does kind of churn my belly, but if I could stomach 4 tequila shots plus 3 dirty vodka martinis last weekend surely I can handle the smell of rotting flesh?

FACE OFF: I convinced myself I wanted to be a makeup artist. Sure, I hardly ever wear makeup and I always stab my eyeball when applying eyeshadow, but this looked like FUN! I could learn to sculpt like Demi Moore in Ghost, then enter a dazzling airbrushing frenzy when painting the costume mold. Perhaps my character would end up looking like a lumpy mountain of silicon, but then I could just cover it up with cheese and tell Glen Hetrick that I purposely created Pizza The Hut from Spaceballs. Voila!

HELLS KITCHEN: I convinced myself I wanted to be a chef. Sure, I’ve nearly set my apartment on fire a few times and I don’t own any pots or pans, but my hard work and cheery attitude are certain to win over the brash Mr. Ramsey. I would kindly smile as he called me a donkey, and keep my sunny demeanor apparent as I make a fresh order of scallops after burning them for the 73rd time.

INK MASTER: I convinced myself I wanted to be a tattoo artist. Sure, my drawing skills are heinous and I could never stay inside the lines in my coloring books, but how amazing would it feel to forever etch a stunning masterpiece on a human canvas? This idea was rather short-lived, however, when I thought about my sloppy stick-figure drawings being a permanent fixture on a person’s body.

EPISODES: I convinced myself I wanted to be a writer. Sure, the only things I’d written recently were grocery lists and emails to my parents, but how hard could it be to translate the schizophrenic thoughts in my brain into a cleverly written script? Turns out, way harder than I thought. There’s no sexy salt n pepper Matt LeBlanc in my living room asking me how how I’m doin’ and reeking of cinnamon-Joey-scented-cologne. But at least this show helped me realize I wanted, and needed, to do something creative.

So now, after I finally have a clear goal and career path in mind, I owe a debt of gratitude to UCLA. But I also owe a giant thanks to TV. As a wise man, Homer Simpson, once said, “The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!”